Dyin' Ain't So Bad WHEN God's Arms are Always Open

Since the earliest time I can remember, death and dying have terrified me. I ache at the thought of those I know and love being in pain and the finality of never seeing or hearing them in the world that I know. This fear, I guess I’ll call it, was strong enough that my parents had me sit down with a dear friend of theirs who had a near death experience. This is a conversation I remember clearly to this day though I know it took place before I was even in the double digits.  A.K. explained the beauty, the serenity and peace that she felt as her body and spirit contemplated migration to another world.  This conversation is something I still reflect back on and it continues to bring me some comfort.  As expected I’ve experienced loss at a greater rate as I age and my professional role often puts me in the position of piecing together loss experienced by others.  These moments challenge me and my way of thinking.  They’ve challenged my way of looking and feeling about religion and faith and how I look at life in general.  Several years ago now (around 9) a relative was faced with going through a bone marrow transplant and I saw them a week before they went in the hospital.  We were celebrating at a baby shower for her second grandchild.  She expressed her fear of going into the hospital for this risky procedure but the risk was better than the certainty of doing nothing.  She experienced a number of potential complications in the course of her transplant and never recovered.  I was visiting her while a team of physicians rounded and the news was shared that her survival was less than likely.  I started to cry and a physician I know took me out in the hallway, hugged me and said “there are worst things in life than dying”  -  hmmmm dyin’ ain’t so bad. 

So where does God and religion come in. They play a leading role in this scenario whether or not someone believes or not.  No secret I was raised Catholic and though I would consider myself “non-practicing” until my child was old enough to understand the idea of religion and faith I am “practicing” today.  So my thoughts on organized religion in a nutshell center on the belief that whatever works for you, your soul, your spirit then great – go with it - yes I’m that liberal!!! This goes for agnostics, atheists as well - I’m fine with it if it brings you what you need.  The caveat here being – please do not try to impose what you need on to me or anyone else, this seems unnecessary.  The fact is there are people who find complete solace in religion and my main goal of raising my child with religion in their life is to give them those tools in the event that this is what they want or need to see them through their path.  Quite frankly I’m good with believing that there’s a higher power and a greater meaning to everything that we can see and understand.  The phrase “everything happens for a reason” sums up trying to flip negative thought to a positive one that maybe, just maybe, you can’t appreciate at the moment but will unveil it’s gift in the future.   It’s a comforting thought, isn’t it? Transfers some of the anger and resentment away from a hurtful situation and moves the mind to dealing with and coping with what’s directly in life’s path.  Probably one of the most influential people I’ve met to date in my life passed away 2 years ago this October.  This was a woman of tremendous talent and who had a faith in God to match.  She referred to knowing that death was upon her and her time talking with God in preparation as “being in her window” and would let a loved one on earth know that this was time for her not to be interrupted as she knew the path God had laid down for her.  Now I do not want to give the impression that she was not a fighter because she defined the word.  She was a fighter for her and her family but also a realist for them as well.  The grace this woman had in dealing with things goes so far beyond my comprehension that I draw a blank as far as words to describe the impact of being a bystander in her life at this point in her journey. She painted a canvas between dying, faith and God for me that I will carry forward always. Even with death lurking around the corner, this woman was more about the person she was talking to and helping them reach a goal then about anything going on with her, she invested and engaged in her students in a completely selfless manner.  So I ask, is personal religion so bad if it brings a person comfort? The key here is personal or individual.  Is religion only questionable when it is used by others to judge another and inflict beliefs on others with conflicting views?  This reminds of lyrics to a Tori Amos song Unrepentant Geraldines:

I'm gonna free myself from your opinion
I'm gonna heal myself from your religion
I'm gonna free myself from your aggression
I'm gonna heal myself from your religion

These words blatantly reflect the need to “heal” or recover from judgment and influence inflicted in the name of religion forced upon a person.  Our history, ancestry so often dictates the religious beliefs we cast forward to others and I can’t deny doing just that though I’m open to my son growing to learn and determine a belief that is most fitting for him.  As a college student I explored other religions, not exhaustively, but did not find something in my search that I identified more with or had fewer objections to than Catholicism.  I say this to point out that all “organized religions or anti-religions” I believe have negative/ritualistic aspects to them and we could debate how much weight even considering another religion would polarize me from my ancestry played a role in approaching this assessment with objectivity. The idea of selecting a religion is similar to how a physician described diagnosing autoimmune disorders by placing all symptoms or values on a grid and the one with the greatest number of “hits” was how the individual was diagnosed.  Not an exact or absolute science….

The tie between religion and the belief in an afterlife is undeniable. It’s interesting that the characters of Bonnie and Clyde, in this depiction, seem to counter the typical young invincible mentality but rather are those (Bonnie more than Clyde) that embrace the thought of death as long as they’ve lived a life that’s truly ALIVE. Now I ask how much being ALIVE means being PRESENT.  As years go by, technology evolves and people adapt being truly present in the moment or “being ALIVE” seems to suffer.  Moments are defined by the rapid fire of information coming at us or being sought by us versus the precise interpretation of organic moments in the moment.  I embarked on a scary journey several months ago that asks me to void my life of carbs, sugar, alcohol and basically any other addictive substance that innocently entices my mind and life. It was a challenge but more because I was forced to really be present in my own life.  I wasn’t thinking about the food on the buffet at the event while talking to a colleague or the fact that my glass was empty while talking to a friend, I was completely with the people in the moment at that time.  It was BEAUTIFUL and it was ALIVE.  This “diet” change was intended for 30-days but with a lifestyle modification plan behind it.  It was powerful.  Not everyone in my life liked it.  I had an encounter with a lifelong/dear friend after a night of driving him around town as the “DD” that he interpreted this behavior as being concerned with how others feel. I could not adequately communicate with him in his state of mind, that this was quite the opposite, I was more aware/alive and present than ever before.  I was thankful for being present and real in the moment but also recognized that this was not natural behavior. I’m more of an escape artist in progress.  Regardless of the “30-day” challenge, I learned A LOT about myself and those in my life and I loved it.  It was real, it was organic and it was beautiful.  One of my favorite slogans is Life is Good and you know what - it is, because life is life, death is death and God is God all as you believe it to be.